Aired: September 2, 1998
Alright, I’ll admit, nothing comes to mind for this episode. However, I do want to focus on the elephant within the title. If I were a betting man, and if you know me at all you know I am a betting man, I’d take out a second mortgage on my house to bet on the fact that Matt will have no idea who Roger Ebert is. I don’t mean, maybe he’s heard of him, I mean I guarantee Matt will have absolutely no clue who or what Ebert was before this episode.
I do know that Matt and Trey don’t have a high opinion of Siskel and Ebert as they have this episode and Gene Siskel is mentioned in the Classic “Christmas Time in Hell”. Side note, I had to play it just to make sure, so I’m enjoying this song in July.
My trip to Wikipedia shows that this episode actually has very little to do with Roger Ebert. I did learn that Ebert gave negative reviews of both Orgazmo and BASEketball. I also noticed that this is the planetarium episode which I remember very little about, but I don’t think I cared for it. I’ll give it a second chance 23 years later.
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Roger Ebert Should Lay Off the Fatty Foods Score Sheet
Total Score / Rank
Drew – 34.1
Matt – 30.6
Composite – Current Rank: 32.35 – 18/24
This episode starts with a tv show (probably a reference I don’t get). Mr. Garrison begins to scold the children for not paying attention to the show. Stan brings up that they should go on more field trips instead. Mr. Garrison lets them know that they will be taking a field trip to the planetarium. Mr. Garrison begins to show another episode on the TV and a commercial comes on about a Cheesy Poof commercial contest. We then see the class and Mr. Garrison heading to the planetarium. Once they get there, they see the Cheesy Poof “Talent Van”. Mr. Garrison does not allow Cartman to go sing at the van. The go into the planetarium and meet Dr. Adams. He explains his bone disease as the reason why he pronounces it the “Planet-Arium”. The boys meet “Little Missy” and seem to be concerned to how she acts. The class goes inside the “Planet-Arium” and they begin to look at the constolations. Some are a tad off from reality. Dr. Adams turns up the intensity.. Cartman sneaks out to the Cheesy Poof Talent Van. He sings for the commercial contest. The class comes out and some of them are not feeling too great. Cartman lets them know he got a call back for the Cheesy Poof commercial. The boys discover Van Gelder from the planetarium got onto the bus. He insists they don’t take him back. He passes out and they take him to the nurse’s office. He says they “Must tell the machine”. Principal Victoria decides to check out the laser show that night. Something odd happens. When then see the classroom and they are learning about Haikus. The boys let Mr. Garrison know that they want to go back to the planetarium, although they don’t know why they want to. Cartman then shows up and shows off his “Cheesy Poof Anthem Regional Champion”. Kyle insults him many times with haikus. We then see Van Gelder again, babbling about “The Machine”. Mr. Mackey explains how the only solution may be a “Mind Meld”. The class is then back at the planetarium. Mr. Garrison steps out and he turns up the intensity. We then see Cartman at the finals, he tricks the poor contestant into leaving. We then go back to the class at the planetarium. They head to leave, but the kids decide they want to volunteer. Stan, Kyle and Kenny head inside to check it out. They mess with the intensity on Kenny, but it becomes too much and his head explodes. We then go back to the Cheesy Poof auditions. Cartman has an atrocious tryout. We go back to seeing Mr. Mackey doing the “Mind Meld”. They find out what is going on. We then see Cartman win the Cheesy Poof tryouts. The news channel interviews Dr. Adams about the growing popularity of the planetarium. He invites everyone for a free show. Stan and Kyle go to tell Officer Barbrady about what happened to Kenny. We then go to Cartman doing the Cheesy Poof commercial. He gets very frustrated from all of the cuts and retakes. Barbrady takes Stan and Kyle to check out the planetarium. They see all of the hypnotized people, but Barbrady thinks nothing and goes inside to see the stars. Cartman calls to tell everyone he knows about his commercial being on air, but no one is home. Dr. Adams makes Officer Barbrady think he is Elvis. Cartman sees his commercial appearance. Mr. Mackey then heads to the planetarium with the nurse. They force Mackey, the nurse, Stan and Kyle to go in to watch the stars. Cartman shows up and gets pissed that everyone missed it so he kicks over the projector. They talk Barbrady out of his hypnosis. Cartman is then reminded again to not pick his nose.